Adult Relationships, Teen relationships, Business Relationships… rewarding, fulfilling, effortless and fun… or a real uphill struggle?
Welcome to December; one of the busiest, quickest months of the year. I wish you a wonderful month where you can really enjoy the festive time with your loved ones.
December's a really exciting month but it's also a month where relationships can end up tested to their limits! In the ideal world, Christmas should be a wonderful, relaxing time, spent with loved ones. But many people find it completely different in reality.
The challenges that many people face at Christmas have led me to dedicate December's newsletter to relationships.
Relationships are all about CONNECTION. Relationships define us. When they are going great, we feel happy, supported and reassured. When they're a bit out of sync, life can feel out of sync, leaving us with feelings of sadness and loneliness.
We all strive for connection at some level in our lives and our ability to connect with others depends on a whole host of things that are affecting us at any one time. We all have a natural instinct to feel connected, but great relationships don't happen overnight, they take commitment, compromise, trust, forgiveness and most of all time and effort.
Here are just some of the things that I believe are key to successful, balanced relationships:
Time - it's essential that we make time and space to nurture and enjoy our relationships. We live in a fast-paced world where external influences can distract us and steal our time and effort. It's important to remember to plan time with the people who matter and have fun doing different things that make you happy.
Commitment - when you truly commit, you get results and you get happiness. Why not take a minute right now to notice where your commitment is at this moment in time? Are you happy with your level of commitment; your partner's commitment or other family members' commitment to your relationships?
Respect - respect is at the core of every successful relationship. In all of my work with clients, when relationships break down there is a loss of respect. It's essential not to try to mold others to what you want, you need to be authentic and genuine and give others the freedom to do the same. That's what respect is all about.
Trust - believing in the people you are in relationships with is essential. Take time to tell them you value them and that they are important to you. Be grateful that they are reliable and are supporting to you.
...and finally Communication - communication is key to any happy, balanced relationship. Often people store things up, internalise what's happening, mind-read how others are thinking and feeling. The secret here is to communicate openly ask for what you want more of.
In this month's newsletter I'll be exploring ADULT Relationships, TEEN Relationships and BUSINESS Relationships in a whole lot more detail.
Read on and enjoy what I have to share with you, but if you need immediate help with any relationship issue you're facing, simply reach out by hitting any of the orange buttons on this newsletter.
I can help you Face-to-Face or by Phone - it's up to you.
The key to successful adult relationships is having your needs met. You are really valuable and important, and you deserve to feel listened to and valued.
Sometimes people's needs aren't met in relationships. The key to happiness is asking for what you want, but this can be uncomfortable as perhaps you're used to putting others first or not asking for what you want. But if you don't ask, partners may be unaware of how you're feeling.
It's human to make up stories in our heads about what's happening, how your partner is. For example...he or she is X, which means this, and this must mean Y. Unfortunately reality doesn't always tie in with the stories we make up in our heads. So, rather than mind-reading, why not try to spend more time speaking and asking for what you want?
A really helpful way to do this is by saying:
DO MORE (OF)...
By communicating in this way things become clear, healthy and balanced. This approach provides a clear way forward.
To enjoy a great relationship, it's important to focus on all the things you love and enjoy about your partner or the other adults around you. When we work from a place of problems we tend to make more problems.
Take time to tell your partner or the adults around you each day that you're grateful. Tell them why you're glad to have them around, and how much they mean to you.
We can become complacent in relationships as they grow with time. It's important to make time and space for each other, plan together and compromise how you spend time together. Habits quickly form and then effort is required to step out of your comfort zone and change your routine - how you do things.
Have fun along the way. And don't forget that laughing goes a long way to long-term happiness in relationships.
If you think your relationship could do with some outside help, why not get in touch and let me help you back to a place of happiness and confidence?
Get in touch if you’d like some outside help with your relationship
If you’re the parent or carer of a teen and are worried about how your teenager is doing with building confidence and having strong relationships, then take a few moments to read on.
We live in a fast-paced world where teenagers are more connected than ever to their X-boxes, mobile devices, Snapchat, Facebook, you name it - they're glued to it. Whilst these channels are a great way for teens to connect, today's "social" way of building relationships is breeding a real disconnect with many teens.
The fact is that many teenagers are spending more time in cyber/technical worlds than in reality. This can lead to feelings of loneliness, feeling left out and not fitting in with certain groups or types of people. This in turn can lead to anxiety, worry and/or fear.
One of the main areas I help teenagers with in relationships is building confidence, so they can move away from anxiety.
Although teens communicate in cyber-connected ways, doing so often results in them feeling withdrawn emotionally and physically in the real world. They spend too much time on their own, which in turn reinforces withdrawal. A common train of thought for teenagers is "I don't fit, I am not included" and this can become a vicious circle.
Here are my 8 Top Tips to help you
help your teens have happy, successful relationships:
- Limit time spent on devices. Instead of staying locked in their bedroom glued to their phone, get them to buy in to doing something else.
- Don't ask too many questions or teens may close down. It's important to listen to them, keep interested in all they are doing yet find the balance of supporting them whilst letting them navigate their way.
- Help them set up great bed-time routines where they are disconnecting from social channels early enough to let them have quality sleep patterns. This means they will have time to be rested and recuperate.
- Encourage your teens to form more face-to-face relationships. Help them find more ways to meet and communicate with new people. Encourage a hobby or an interest where they are socialising with like-minded teens.
- Encourage them to spend time with the family, not in their bedroom.
- Be interested in what they are doing. Keep talking to them, invite friends around so you know who they are spending time with - be interested.
- Give them freedom to find their way, make their own mistakes and learn from them. Sometimes the influence of parental figures can be overwhelming - cut them some slack and see what happens.
- Make sure they know that they don't need to fit in. Let them be individual and find ways to connect with like-minded people.
The main area I help teenagers with in relationships is building confidence so they can move away from anxiety.
If you want to help your teen build confidence, feel more assertive and find fulfilling friendships and relationships, simply get in touch.
I'm here to help.
Step 1 - help your teen find confidence and become anxiety-free
Work plays a huge part in many of our lives. Because of this, business relationships are incredibly important when it comes to finding happiness and achieving success. Business relationships are ultimately designed to meet business/financial needs, to provide security and to instil balance and satisfaction in our lives.
When business relationship needs are met, people and outcomes will both be in a great place.
An enormous amount of time is spent working in business. In fact, many people often spend more time with business colleagues than family. In these situations in particular, it's essential that this time is valued and spent with meaningful connections.
Trust is a key ingredient in successful business relationships. The phrase "People buy people", and more so from businesses that they “ know, like and trust”. Trust in business means that it's essential to be clear on expectations - on what you can/can't deliver. It's important to tailor expectations and deliver so you get to work with similar types of people and businesses.
Here are some great ways to nurture relationships.
Communication. The connected world we live in helps us build contacts so quickly that sometimes the peoples' needs are missed. So, although technology is a great way to communicate, try to use different options too.
Set clear boundaries. Knowing how far you can go is important in any relationship. Openness and honesty are essential in business, but directness and brutality are often a step too far. It's important to establish and respect boundaries for everyone to succeed.
Play to strengths. Not everyone can do everything. Fact. Otherwise the world would be a very dull place. When you work as part of a team or indeed when you work alone, play to your strengths and the strengths of others. Pull in support when you need it.
Collaborate and share with like-minded people. Many people in business see competition as a negative. Competitors can become great collaborators with the right vision and the right structure. Look to create sharing relationships with people of the same mindset and with the same values.
Do business with people who have similar values. When we work with people who have similar values, relationships feel natural and easy. When we work with people/ businesses that have different values we experience internal conflict.
Be authentic in your business connections. At times it's OK to ask for help or show some level of vulnerability. Doing so appropriately and in context helps others relate to you and shows that you're human - just like them.
Don't hold all the control. Trust others to do the job, support them along the way and offer help where required. Learn along the way too - give a little, get a little...if your tendency is towards control, give up small things and see what happens - you might just be surprised.
Listen. Listen to what clients and people in general are saying. Accept critisism and don't take it personally. Use it constructively to grow and to develop.
Slow down. Go slower. Remember that less is very often more.
Ask for what you want. Thank people. Be grateful.
If you feel as if your business outcomes could do with a boost, I'm here to help. If you want to remove any blocks to successful business relationships - why not get in touch by hitting any of the orange buttons on this newsletter? You can hire me for team development days or one-to-one sessions to take your business relationships to a whole new level.
I have worked for the last 10 years helping people be the best they can be. I know all the reasons and all the excuses about why you’re not where you want to be and I have solutions for each and every one.
My skills and experiences are what you need to help you remove the barriers that are keeping you stuck.
Helping people is at the heart of everything I do and I care about your results.
I hope this newsletter has inspired you to address any relationship issues you're facing well before Christmas. And if you have a family member, a friend or a colleague who you think could do with some relationship support, why not share this newsletter with them? After all, sharing is caring.